Integrating Spirituality and

Sexuality in Service

"Daka" is the male counterpart to the female "Dakini," a Sanskrit word for a Tantric deity within the

Buddhist tradition. While I do not identify as exclusively Buddhist, I'm using "Daka" and "Dakini" as a

reference point here to distinguish between a romantic relationship that is personal in nature and one that

has as its primary intention being of service through making love with the divine energy in us both.

In this video I share my first awakening to a dimension of sacred/sexual fusion:

(Can't see the video? Click here... or view in Google Chrome or Firefox)

Is this for You?

I am looking for male and female partners to explore an hour for hour exchange in the role of serving the divine

in one another. Can you answer "yes" to the following:

• Are you comfortable with this work and your own spiritual/sexual expression?
  

• Do you believe in something more than this physical existence and want to experience it?
  

• You are able to take care of your own well being and be in service to another?
  

While it is a bonus if you are into Tantra or something similar that is not necessary. There are no other requirements, although I find I can connect deeper with women than men and am not open to sexual penetration with men.

Strengths I Bring to this Work:

• I have a tangible as well as an intuitive experience of crystals and their energy, along with a number of beautiful crystals in and around my home and temple.
  

• My ability to articulate subtle and difficult concepts allows many people to feel deeply seen.
  

• I am extremely comfortable with and supportive of the full range of vulnerably expressed emotions.
  

• I am a strong empath and mirror. I can help you become more aware of the energy you are broadcasting. I can also coach you on how to alter subtle variables in your presentation and energy to have the impact you want (I do coaching work in this area).
  

• A number of people have had peak lover experiences with me as a result of the ways I have integrated energy and meditation into our love-making very consciously.
  

• The energy I create with my environment as an artist is very serene in most people's eyes and my creativity with organic, vegetarian cooking, an enhancement of many sessions, is appreciated by all my friends.
  

Session Format:

Every session will begin with a ritual to honor and call in spirit and all that is good and sacred. Every session will end that way, and all boundaries and requests stated will be honored. The rest is an ongoing exploration and negotiation between the one being served and the one in service.

Possible Things to Work On or Heal: The following are a few areas this work is particularly powerful.

• Connecting and integrating your emotions and body in/through sex.
  

• Developing greater sensitivity to energy.
  

• Deep emotional release.
  

• Reclaiming power and safety around your body.
  

• Healing shame around body, sex and self.
  

• Opening to spirit.
  

Session Location:

It is important that this work take place in a sacred space that is quiet, private and uninterrupted. For me it is also important that it be cat free, as I have mild allergies. I offer my temple space, which comes with a wonderful chemical-free hot-tub, beautiful crystals and a refrigerator full of organic vegetarian food. If you have a similar space to offer we can take turns hosting. Otherwise, I would prefer to host in San Rafael.

Session Times:

For a first session it is good to allow six hours before your next appointment and plan on the session taking between an hour and a half and four hours. Particularly if you are new to altered state consciousness or deep work in general, it is hard to know when you might hit a bubble of emotions that are best allowed to come out and integrate in their own time. My current schedule is such that it is fairly easy for me to schedule something within four days and I prefer not to schedule something too far in advance.

Important Boundaries:

The event equals the event. Other than a commitment to exchange hour for hour in service to one another’s highest good and well-being, there is no commitment of continuity, although it is fine to have ongoing sessions as long as that is mutually agreeable.

It is important to understand that the role of Daka/Dakini is distinct from the role of a friend or a social lover. Due to a lack of experience with these very distinct personas it is natural for the boundaries between them to bleed in our culture. The most powerful work usually happens when they are distinct and to support this, if either person does find they are interested in a social relationship I ask that this be done outside of a session and with a willingness to hear a "no."

Safety:

A feeling of mutual safety is essential to do this work well. Here are a couple of suggestions for creating that.

• Always tell a friend where you will be and set a time to check in with them so that they know you are all right. This not only is good common sense when going to a new and unfamiliar location, but it will help you relax, which is essential for this work.
  

• Establish your boundaries and comfort-level around touch before the session. If you want to cross the boundaries you have set during session, wait until the next session so that you are not caught up in the moment in ways you may feel uncomfortable about later.
  

• If you don’t have trust in your ability to clearly communicate what you need to take great care of you, then you are not yet ready to do this work. I ask that you not rely upon my good intent as a substitute for the safety that can only come with self-awareness and communicating clearly.
  

Agreements Between Us:

• We will keep all prior agreements around sexuality with our lovers in this work. These boundaries will be clearly stated up front.
  

• We will keep all personal information strictly confidential, except in a confidential therapeutic setting for the purpose of processing our experience.
  

• All sessions will be free of drugs and alcohol. If you want to use marijuana during a session let's talk more.
  

• We will do our best to serve one another's needs while being of Service, while honoring our own boundaries.
  

• If for any reason we are not feeling safe/grounded to do this work, we agree to end the session early or pause what is happening, resuming only after we are both a clear “yes.”
  

• We release one another from any legal liability, understanding that there are no assertions of professional credentials on either side. We are two individuals who are coming together for the purpose of being of service and who take responsibility for our own well-being.
  

• All emotions are welcome in our sessions and we will do our best to hold all aspects of one another in a place of kindness, love and support.
  

Contact Dane:

Please contact me first by e-mail. include a body and clear face shot, the type of work you want to do, any skills you have in being of service and what your background is in anything of this nature, as well as your number and a good time to call you.

Note: I find that I can drop in deeply and easily with some people, others not at all, and some in between and sometimes the reasons for this are not obvious. As dropping into a deep place of trust fairly rapidly is essential to the effectiveness of this work, I know of no other way than simply to talk on the phone, meet if that feels right, and proceed only if both of us are at ease.

Comments About Dane's Sacred Sexuality Events:

A good friend and I have started to explore Sacred Sexuality in a group context. You can read about the experiences participants are having below and let me know if you are interested in attending.

"Dane's sex party for sensitives was quite good - which actually makes it far better

than any of the other sex parties I've attended. Dane's exquisite guidance of the group into

knowing and revealing our true concerns going into such an event led to feelings of

open-heartedness and comfort to joyfully venture into sexual exploration.  This would

be a great event for anyone with the patience to spend the time it takes to build that level

of safety before going into an open play time." - Anonymous

"I felt that Danes approach to the intimate party was very much with heart energy and he created a

sacred space that was embraced by all.  Personal well being, respect for couples, boundaries and

permission along with emotional safety was very well explained and the workshop format in the

beginning was a wonderful way for people to connect in spirit.   It was a wonderful time for people to

grow and be more open to explore themselves and/or with their relationship partner or date.  " 

Dan Argraves, Terra Sol Tantra

"I appreciated all the attention to detail, from the emails that Dane sent before the

event to designing the heartfelt exercises. The evening was a safe atmosphere in

which to experience a sexual adventure. I also appreciated that Dane emphasized

agreements between partners beforehand. My partner and I did a lot of talking about

what we wanted and boundaries, and the evening helped us explore part of our

relationship that has not always been easy to negotiate.  - MB

"My partner and I have attended sex parties or swingers clubs in the past and it just

left us cold and empty -- impersonal and lacking any heart connection with those at

the event.   Dane's sex party is what we think a party should be about -- intimacy,

sharing of spirit with others as well as hot erotic sex!  For us it was everything we

needed to feel safe as a couple to open ourselves to a brand new way of

exploring our sexuality." - EB

"This self-selected group of "sensitives" seemed very appreciative of the structure

and exercises.  It's fun and heartwarming to see the open support and communication

Dane and Francine give each other as a model for what I'd like to achieve

in my relationships." - SB

"As a first-timer I was surprised at how natural it all felt to me. I felt you created a definite

sensitivity to everyones needs which heightened the comfort level.  It was a powerful and

profound experience.  I learned a lot about myself and would do it again." - AW

"As a veteran of many a sex party I was pleased at how well you facilitated a very comfortable

and safe container that was conducive to everyone getting to know one another.  It was a perfect

evening and I was very glad that I chose this party to bring my partner, a first-timer, to." - RP

Two Video Gifts:

Why twenty men for every women sign up for sexual events...

The Value of Blessing